Jealous of the Lilies

We are shown the Lilies (and all of God's beauty), and told how God takes care of them so well. What can we do to deserve such care.  I think God is calling me to do more trusting and less manipulating.

2 steps have lead me to open up my blog account for the first time since 2013 (password still remembered on phone luckily). The first I finished editing  my paper on following God's will vs my own with my dad earlier tonight.  The second was a fire alarm with a girl in a blanket.

The first was not unusual.  My dad edits most of my papers, and grab school hasn't let him off the hook.  I got a few good points from his as we worked through it. Always happy to make my dad proud.  But the paper unfolded as me vs God in a way where we are fighting to do what's best.  I believe I am outmatched.   But I can't seem to give up control.  I need things my way, even if I'm trying to aim them at God.

Then I'm getting a good nights sleep in a hotel before my flight to grad school residency in arizona. The friend I am flying with parents decided to stay in Detroit instead ok having to drive in the morning.  During the night something set off the antifire smoke stuff and then yeah, alarms, lights, fire trucks, and even some cop cars. While walking around pretending I could be of help I notice a couple girls that didn't talk their to put on their winter coats.  I hadn't noticed the cold until 2 minutes after I didn't give up my coat.  I thought about it, but there were 2 of them, they were girls and I didn't want to seem in appropriate, and I was just in a cut off... But from that time on I couldn't stop shivering. My brain tells me its from the cold finally reaching through my light jacket. But I think this is me failing yet again to walk through a threshold God is calling me to.

God forgive me, and continue to call me. May I  be your servant and not my own servant.

Religion vs. Relationship (where's the beef)

It is tough to know what to do as Christians. If we stick to the letter of the laws and commandments of the Bible then we risk turning into the pharisee types we understand that Jesus condemned. On the other hand if we merely seek after a relationship with Christ, we risk being so open minded about how we live our lives that God slowly fades into the background and we just do what we feel is right. Mark 10:17-31 is the story of the rich man asking Jesus how to get eternal life. Jesus replies telling him to sell everything he has, give it to the poor, and follow Him. Is this a command? Are we all suppose to do that? My parents have started serving meals to the needy on Christmas each year, along with countless other holiday time charities. They see it as a good Christian thing to do. Is this what God wants us to do? Are we all suppose to do that? Matthew 22:24-40 is when Jesus is asked what is the greatest commandment. Jesus said to love God with our heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor. Do we dissect each of these and understand how to love God in these ways, and love our neighbor? Are we all suppose to do that? This question I keep coming back to, "are we all suppose to do that", is a tough question. Where do we draw the line of what a Christian is required to do? Should there even be a line, and who should be drawing it? We have the faith vs works argument in Jame 2:14-26 where we get little help understanding. Rahab a prostitute is considered righteous, as well as when Abraham almost sacrificed his son was righteous. So we can't seem to find an exact line in the Bible. However, I don't want just anyone to grab a Bible, pick out a few verses they want to obey, and leave out the rest. Likewise, we should not take every verse of the Bible so literally that we turn into those Jewish leaders Jesus condemns. So where is the line? My answer is simple and it hasn't changed in recent years. However, I understand it more completely now. Yet it also is most likely still not complete. I think there should be a line Each person has their own line. Their line is based on where they are in their walk with God, and what God is putting on their heart to do. 1 Corinthians 3:2 is where Paul talks about giving the people milk doctrine because that is all they could handle. They couldn't handle the meat yet. But he also chastises them for not growing and being able to digest the meat. My piece of meat in this issue is that although it depends on where we are with our walk with God, there are still things that each Christian should do. If we allow ourselves to be led on what we feel is right, then we could fall into a lazy Christianity. But it we force ourselves to do some sort of basic Christian activities, not for boasting but for growing towards God, then we can grow from there. I've struggled over past years with my Bible reading. I thought I knew enough about the Bible that I can live a good Christian life without having to do that check-list religious activity. But I've discovered I was wrong, and that being in the Bible is something that if I let is slip from my day, then I am slipping farther from my relationship with God. I lost that hunger and thirst for righteousness. So there are some things that I believe every Christian should be doing. But I also believe that it is up to the Christian to realize that they want to grow in Christ, and find the ways in which God is calling them to be righteous. Find the meat of your relationship with God.

In 20 years I will be President!!

Ok, so maybe not President of the U.S. but I have a goal of becoming President of a university. Right now I am finishing up my last semester at HU. I'm gonna finish on the Dean's List, which is gonna help me get into graduate school next year, either at Spring Arbor, or at HU for counseling. Then getting a job in residence life, while working on a second masters degree in bussiness. I will then move up in the field of higher education, working on programming or something of the sort. Then after I stabilize myself at that job, I will begin working on my Doctorate. (Meeting with G. Blair Dowden next month to find out what degree to get) Then becoming a Dean of student affairs, then eventually taking a job as president of a university. There is my plan. Makes sense huh? Has my passion for working with students, and giving every student the best chance to understand themselves as they mature and grow in their faith.
But, funny thing is I had a plan 9 years ago... I was gonna go to college, get a youth ministry degree, become the best youth pastor ever. Makes sense huh? Has my passion for working with students and giving every student the best chance to understand themselves as they mature and grow in their faith. Sound familiar?
But along the road I figured it out. It doesn't matter my plans. It matter God's plan. Notice my plans end in s and so it is plural, and God's doesn't...
I just may have bombed my Spanish Exam. I'm hoping in the B-C range but who knows yet. But if I don't get atleast a C in Spanish then I won't be able to graduate. That means my plans have to change. Do I care, yeah a little, but the greater thing is that they were my plans. Not God's plan. God will continue, yes continue because I can see the many amazing things he has done in my life already, to use me how He sees fit. If that means Michindoh for the rest of my life, awesome!! If it means factory work, awesome!! If it means janitor, awesome!! If it means college Athletic Director, awesome!! If it means youth pastor, awesome!! And yes if it means President of the U.S., awesome!!
But those are just the outlets for the way I get to serve God. In James 4, it says, "Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. 17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." Yeah, who cares about my plans, I am just a blink or a vapor, here to serve God. In whatever way I can.

Life is Good

So I wanted to write a happy blog. I usually get on here when I'm feeling down about something (I got plenty to talk about there), or have some revelation about my walk with Christ, but not this time. This time I just want to say what about my life makes me happy. I'm extremely blessed to be able to take 9 years to finish undergrad, let alone to be thinking of grad school. To have the great friends I have. Ones that convince me to visit their churches, go ice skating with, watch silly movies, camp outs, silly trips, or even wedding crashing. I have amazing parents that love me, especially when my dad tells me he talks about me daily, and a mom who comes in to help my sister get her house ready to sell. A sister who has let me call her house home for nearly 7 years, and occasionally takes me to a Cubs game with her. Then a brother who although I haven't always seen it (but he seems to), has been my closest friend throughout the years. And his wife and awesome boy and girl who are so much fun to be around, and always bring a smile to my face. Not to mention her family who has such compassion to love kids and include me in whenever I can. I have a God who loves me and takes care of me. Who teaches me something new whenever I stop to listen. I have grown up with amazing mentors in my life that showed me what it looks like to put God first. Thanks Jon, Paul, Todd, Andy, Brad, and so many more. They are people that I wouldn't be able to shoe God's love the way I can without first being shown God's love. So thank you everyone for helping me in whatever way you have. From the freshman I met in the library to Jordan whom I've known since junior high. You help me be the man I am. And I very much enjoy being the man I am, and hope you enjoy me too.

What-ah-achoo

This weekend, I had the awesome opportunity to help on a mission trip to Tennessee. It was a lot of fun, and I even got to drive a mini-bus, and use an air-powered staple gun :) But what will stick with me is the transformation in me. I am not the same guy as I was 2 years ago on the fall break trip to Benton Harbor. There I was timid, and wasn't sure how to act at a construction site. I needed guidance just about every step. I struggled to put down grass, and put up some basic drywall. I was timid to share about what God is doing in my life, cause I just wanted to enjoy the trip, and make sure I had some funny story to tell that would make everyone laugh.
But this weekend was the opposite. The right tools were shown to me, and I pieced them together to put underlayment on the floor. Sweeping and vacuuming the floor, then cutting the piece, applying glue, then stapling it down. I then did my best to organize the team, and had them working in different rooms. Then any chance I got, I would ask how they were doing, and find out what their major was, and what God is doing in their life. I wasn't shy in the least about saying that I am a sinful man, but God has molded me in such a way that He glorifies Himself through my life. Anyone can look at my life and see the many faults in it. But spend some time with me, and you will just as easily see the many blessings God has given me.
Yeah life has been hard and rough at times, and continues to be, but God has not called me to a life of easy living. But he has called me to a life that when I can see what He sees, I realize that life is a lot easier this way.
Anyway, I like my life, and I love how God is growing me, and the times where I can see the growth make it much easier to keep fighting those daily battles. I am excited for the things that He will do through me. And when that happens, please know that it is not by my power, or plans, or anything I have done, but by God's glory that I am here living day and night, and advancing for His kingdom.

27 (who cares)

So 27 years ago, I was born to a pretty lucky couple. It was the day before their 10th anniversary, and at 1:30 in the morning out I popped. It was 3 days after their friends had a baby boy, who ironically is one of my better friends still, happy belated birthday Jordan. I was born with 2 grandmas but only 1 grandpa, who I sadly don't have any memories of because he passed a few years later. I was born in Huntington, Indiana, although don't remember being around, cause by the time I was 3 we were living in Advance, Indiana. Most of my memories from there are about getting the chicken pox, and being upset that I couldn't play basketball outside, and eating those single serve pizzas with a Pepsi for lunch. My dad was a preacher and everyonce and a while I would sneak into church and if they didn't clean out the grape juice from communion I would have a little snack. I guess i could say I hungered for a deeper relationship with God. I remember some storms coming through, and going down in the church basement. Very few things are creepier than a church basement at night when the power goes off. No really bad storms hit, until a few years after I left. My closest friend's house got hit by a tornado, along with several others.
The Mighty Wells Reds were my little league team. I remember playing, but spent most of my time watching the bigger kids game on the field next to mine. So, then I got brought in from right field to short stop, and then decided that no one else except one of my teammates could touch the ball, so between him and I we covered the whole field. My brother was on my team once, and he was the last batter once, and I was on first when he hit it really hard. So I just kept running, but the catcher got the ball and tried to tag me, so I slid and knocked the ball out of his hands, but then had to get up and finish running to home. Tim then scored behind me.
I moved to a town called Moscow, not Russia, but Indiana. Had a lot of fun there. Playing 2 person sports with my brother. Things like baseball and football of course. My favorite was football and I think He liked baseball, but he could hit my fastball for a homerun, and I could throw the football over his head and run around him and catch it for a TD. Our dad had nicknames for us. He was a sports editor of the paper, and one saturday he was covering a wrestling match. I got my brother's attention as we walked and kept him distracted as he walked into the rollers that the mats would be moved around on. So he became crash, and I became genius (that might not be the real start of these names, but it's my blog and that's when I remember first hearing them). My brother and I fought as most brothers do. But one time my dad decided that he would sit this one out. I didn't like this, cause it was obvious that my brother and I were going to keep fighting till we hurt each other. So I took a moment that I was winning the fight, and instead of trying to hold on for the victory, which I knew would only be short lived, I decided to break free and go after my dad, because he didn't love us enough to come break up our fight. Not sure why I did that, cause my dad was a lot bigger than me, and unlike my brother if I got mad enough I couldn't beat my dad up. We had an awesome dog, Oscar. He was a small white dog with a huge eye from cancer or something. He bit me twice, but when I was sick he would lay in my bed with me until I got better. School was fun here. I was the coolest kid, with my neon shorts and sweatpants I wore every day. Of course I took them off after lunch to show off my sweet shorts. Just so you know I look back now and realize how much I looked like an idiot, but back then, no one could talk me out of doing anything I want.
We then moved to Huntington, Indiana. I quickly learned in 6th grade that it is not cool to wear sweat pants. And people made sure to let me know how dumb I looked. I quickly realized my brother was on the high end of the popularity scale. So instead of accepting this, I turned it into something I could make fun of him for, even after my parents made me stop. I had to start calling him a beep instead of a prep. He got mad a few times, but most of the time he had more things going for him, so my little insults just brushed off his shoulder.
Then in high school I ran, and ran, and ran. Track and cross country pretty much took over my life. I got involved in drama, at first on stage, but once my incredible singing talent was discovered, I was promoted to stage crew. I liked this alot and decided to stay, and became stage manager for a couple years. Building the sets were my favorites. Dated a girl that got me into our show choir stage crew, and had a lot more fun with that. Never really cared about grades or homework, but had fun in high school.
Youth group was brand new to me. I quickly fell in love, and got to hang out with cool young adults that helped me grow in such amazing ways. I never understood much of the Bible, until they came along and helped me dive into it. I would slowly start helping more and more with the youth group, and even organized a lock in with over 30 kids coming just to hang out, and play some laser tag. But this helped me decide to go into ministry.
My friend Dan was the first to get married, I was honored to be his best man. I love that guy a lot, and miss how he would ground me when I was starting to get a little too full of myself. He is the best friend that you always want to have around you. Although when we were leaving at 1 am to drive to Ft. Wayne, cause I wanted a peach, we got pulled over twice, mostly because Dan and I don't share the same skin color. To me, I was in shock. I couldn't believe that kind of this happened. This was around 2002, and I just sat there with my jaw on the floor half laughing and Dan's remarks back to the idiot cop, and then almost peeing my pants, when the officers partner snuck up to my window and asked for my id. I never saw him coming.
Then there was my brother's wedding. Got the best man spot again. And loved being a part of that special day with him and Sam. I love them both, and love Titus and Amy. Followed a few years later by Dustin, and then recently Kyle. Both I was groomsman, and happy to play the part. Dustin was my best friend who lived out in the country and has his degree in engineering from Purdue. Crazy smart guy, and someone you can just chill with and you will feel good about life the more time you spend with him. Kyle is probably the most closest to my personality. We both like to do random things, and laugh when we think back to the fact that I was closer to his brother than him in high school, but when he showed up at my house for a christmas party one year, we just clicked and haven't stopped being friends since. he just married Ashley and I'm excited about the life they will have together.
I have 2 funny stories that I have been reminded of recently about my childhood. The first is from the time when Haley's Comet was around, and a lot of people had some cults, either for that, or other weird reason's. And so my dad turns to my brother and sister and says, "Tim, Lin don't ever join a cult". So my sister turns back and says, "what about Bobby". Then my dad answers with "Bobby, don't ever start a cult". Most kids would have been weirded out, or upset that they were being treated different, but I just said ok dad I won't. The other story is around the time of my sister's high school graduation we were talking about life goals and growing up and stuff. Somehow it got turned to me, and my parents decided that I was going to be future dictator of the world. This of course I took seriously, well not really but it was fun, so I made a 20 year plan, of course starting in Cuba, because they were use to the dictator system, and my as a dictator would be way better than that Fidel guy.
Here is some of my life. Deffinately not all of, nor would I even consider these the highlights, but it is a taste. I love my life, and the fun I have had all along. God has been molding me all along into what He wants for me. I really have trouble following Him, and almost always have one step in the wrong direction, but he seems to pull me back despite my many faults that He sees more than anyone else. And I love thinking that He loves me despite my faults and He knows them all. I like it, cause I am free to not care what others think about me, cause God loves me and His will is what I try (and fail) to live for. Through these 27 years, God showed me that I will never be what I am fully capable of, but with His help, and only then I can become an amazing person that is gifted beyond belief with his gifts, that allow me to love and build relationships with those who society would say I shouldn't even talk to. But I don't even think about that. I have friends that are starting their own bussiness, and friends that are starting their own heavy metal band. I don't differentiate, and I hope no one else does either. God loves us, so we should see that love, and follow his lead and love those around us. Sorry for the length. if you made it this far let me know. i still got a coupon for a free movie, and zesto's. So I'll treat ya next time we see each other.

Got yet another question for ya

So I have this question. It has been in and out of my head for a while now, and I'm not sure what to do with it. I think I know, but it seems like such a bad idea and an idea that has the potential and probably will hurt some of the relationships that I have with people, but it also has the potential to strengthen my relationships, both with people, and with God. This doesn't seem like that hard of a question, cause if it will strengthen my relationship with God, of course I should right? Well, it is more complicated, because I could be strengthening my relationship with God and others without risking losing relationships, but alas, I don't seem to be strong enough; and I want to let God be strong where I am weak, let his love flow in me, no matter what my circumstances.
Ok, so now that I have either lost you completely or have your attention, I'll state my question. My question is, as a Christian, should I live not only with my faith on my sleeve, (as in living in a way that with any interaction with me, anyone will know that I am a follower of Christ and live for Him) but also with my sin on my sleeve (as in letting those around me know my downfalls and failures, being honest in any conversation about how I struggle with this in my life, or with that). I have these thoughts that if I was released from my sin through God's love, then I shouldn't be afraid of them, and can let anyone know them. But I fear them, because I have this wall built up around me that lets me live a double life. One where I have close intimate friendships that I can share anything with, and then the one where I don't really share anything with them other than what they already know, that I am a sinful man.
But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change my life, and let God work. These walls are up because I don't want people to see the real me, because I have a lot of people convinced I am a good Christian, and I worry that if I let them down, then they won't see Christ through me anymore, but instead they will see my sin and my failures, instead of the amazing things God has done in my life despite my many sins. Because that is what my life is truly for, letting others see the good of Christ through me, despite my own sinful nature. But if my sins were to be known to those who look at me, will they be able to see past those sins, or should I just hide them and not let them be known. But then I am hiding something, and am not truthful.
But if I can wear my sin on my sleeve, then I can truly be myself, and truly live the way God has called me to. I can let anyone in, and not be afraid of what they will see, cause I have been made clean by Christ. And free to share His love with them, and show the many amazing ways God has used my less than perfect life to lift His name up.
I can also then have those around me help me build myself up to be a better Christian. As well as if they were to let me in so close to their lives, then I can help them in their struggles. We can grow in community and be reciprocating selves, in that we can build off of each other in a way that we cannot grow ourselves (kinda like language, language can't be built by just one person, but it is through 2 people communicating with each other). But if we were reciprocating selves, both with those around us, but also with God. Just think about the possibility of being in such a community; with God pulling us close to Him, as we grow close to each other and Him, where we don't fear how people will see us, we don't care about the judgement of others, and there won't be any big scandals, because we already know what the big scandal is, because we told everyone already. Not that it makes it ok to sin, because the goal isn't to make sin acceptable, but to vanquish both sin and the fear of sin. And hopefully eliminate any more sin that comes from the original sin. Not lying and living a double life that if we were just honest then we can focus on the sin, not the lies and the cover up.
Thought please...