So I have this question. It has been in and out of my head for a while now, and I'm not sure what to do with it. I think I know, but it seems like such a bad idea and an idea that has the potential and probably will hurt some of the relationships that I have with people, but it also has the potential to strengthen my relationships, both with people, and with God. This doesn't seem like that hard of a question, cause if it will strengthen my relationship with God, of course I should right? Well, it is more complicated, because I could be strengthening my relationship with God and others without risking losing relationships, but alas, I don't seem to be strong enough; and I want to let God be strong where I am weak, let his love flow in me, no matter what my circumstances.
Ok, so now that I have either lost you completely or have your attention, I'll state my question. My question is, as a Christian, should I live not only with my faith on my sleeve, (as in living in a way that with any interaction with me, anyone will know that I am a follower of Christ and live for Him) but also with my sin on my sleeve (as in letting those around me know my downfalls and failures, being honest in any conversation about how I struggle with this in my life, or with that). I have these thoughts that if I was released from my sin through God's love, then I shouldn't be afraid of them, and can let anyone know them. But I fear them, because I have this wall built up around me that lets me live a double life. One where I have close intimate friendships that I can share anything with, and then the one where I don't really share anything with them other than what they already know, that I am a sinful man.
But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change my life, and let God work. These walls are up because I don't want people to see the real me, because I have a lot of people convinced I am a good Christian, and I worry that if I let them down, then they won't see Christ through me anymore, but instead they will see my sin and my failures, instead of the amazing things God has done in my life despite my many sins. Because that is what my life is truly for, letting others see the good of Christ through me, despite my own sinful nature. But if my sins were to be known to those who look at me, will they be able to see past those sins, or should I just hide them and not let them be known. But then I am hiding something, and am not truthful.
But if I can wear my sin on my sleeve, then I can truly be myself, and truly live the way God has called me to. I can let anyone in, and not be afraid of what they will see, cause I have been made clean by Christ. And free to share His love with them, and show the many amazing ways God has used my less than perfect life to lift His name up.
I can also then have those around me help me build myself up to be a better Christian. As well as if they were to let me in so close to their lives, then I can help them in their struggles. We can grow in community and be reciprocating selves, in that we can build off of each other in a way that we cannot grow ourselves (kinda like language, language can't be built by just one person, but it is through 2 people communicating with each other). But if we were reciprocating selves, both with those around us, but also with God. Just think about the possibility of being in such a community; with God pulling us close to Him, as we grow close to each other and Him, where we don't fear how people will see us, we don't care about the judgement of others, and there won't be any big scandals, because we already know what the big scandal is, because we told everyone already. Not that it makes it ok to sin, because the goal isn't to make sin acceptable, but to vanquish both sin and the fear of sin. And hopefully eliminate any more sin that comes from the original sin. Not lying and living a double life that if we were just honest then we can focus on the sin, not the lies and the cover up.
Thought please...
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