Jumping through the stained glass window

So I haven't written in a LONG time. It's been kinda rough. But tonight I had some really good theological discussions, so thought I would try this again. Although I don't really have any specific topic in mind, so this could be interesting.
Brandon Heath has a song, "I'm not who I once was". This made me think of how, or if I'm growing. I remember when I applied to a job as a sophomore at Lincoln, back in like 2005 or so. But they had me do this questionnaire about ethical questions and such. My friend was a manager and told me that I'm hired, cause I got all green scores, and that was the first time anyone has ever gotten that for them. But that was a long time ago, and I don't feel like I've grown, but shrank in a way. I still am a very outgoing Christian who very much loves serving those around him, and if you give me any opening about talking about God, I will jump through that hoop really fast. But its the same old thing. I'm doing the same things, just with different people around me. I haven't grown! My reading has been lacking, and I worry that I'm not being as impactful as God wants me to be. I mean I have lots of friends, but am I spending too much energy being liked, then trying to grow others towards Christ. It seems I spend more time on my hair than I do praying most days, and my hair doesn't even look that great. In my head I justify myself by saying I'm trying and I really desire a deeper relationship with God, and all He wants is us to try, because of our sinful nature. But what is my wanting to want God is finally not being enough. What if God really wants me to simply desire and seek after him before all else. (This has been thrown around a few times with the whole females and lack of relationship thing, because I worry I am putting finding a gilfriend as a priority above finding God)
I still want to want God, but just wanting to want God leaves me still looking inside the stained glass window. It's really pretty amazing, but inside is where the real stuff happens. So I just want to make that jump through that window and join in an amazing relationship where I put God before all else, and always am in tune with Him, constant prayer, no perversion in my head, following the Bible in my daily life. So I encourage you that if you already made that jump, continue seeking Him, and He will grow in you, and if you are kinda like me and haven't. Come grab my hand and we will jump together. Put all these things behind us that are keeping us from God. You can do it, I can do it, we can do it.