What's Up Real World

I have something I'm struggling with. It is weirder than the normal stupid sinful Bobby still being used by God thing. This time it involves those around me. I am called to serve God. I think that He has put on my heart certain things that don't seem to bother other people. Music is the biggest and easiest one for me to explain. I listen to mostly Christian music. Not necessarily the Gaithers or anything like that, but more Jars of Clay, Chris Tomlin, Switchfoot, Lifehouse, and so on. But my struggle is with giving God my everything. I want to spend my days seeking Him wholeheartedly. And I find it helps alot when my music has lyrics that are uplifting to God, and not... well secular. I feel that listening to songs by Katy Perry, and Jay-Z just don't allow me to have that mindset that I am serving the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind. But so many of those fellow Christians that are in my life don't seem to struggle with this at all. They can just pull into church on Sunday morning listening to a sex song, turn it off, walk into church with smiles on.

Ok, so this isn't my debate. I have had that debate, and I'm not even on the side that you think I am. But that was just so I can have an example of something that God laid on my heart to struggle with and other Christians don't seem to pay it any attention. Another quick example is following the speed limit. God asked us to obey's the laws of the land. I think that means to follow the law of the US, unless it is contradictory to something God desires for us. So, I feel everytime I drive over the speed limit, I'm going against God's desire for me, and even though no cop is gonna pull me over for going 5 over, I still feel I'm sinning.

So there are two examples, which now I can ask my question. Does God call each of us to follow Him in the same way. Does God want me to listen to Christian music, and drive 5 under the speed limit, but for Joe Christian can listen to wahtever and drive as fast as he wants, but God hasn't laid it on his heart the same things He has laid on my heart. This is also to say about how we deal with those around us. I'm serving in West Virginia this summer, and God has shown me so many things about the needy in the world that I live in. And it has always been right in front of me to fix, but I never really cared before. But now I can't seem to ignore it. I want to serve Him wholeheartedly and now that means for me to love my neighbor as myself and to put his needs above my own. If that means that I go hungry to give him food, awesome, if that means I go cold to give him my shirt, awesome. But even those close to me and have had similiar experiences, insteaad of wanting to give want to understand how best to help them, and if instead of giving them their shirt, wait and sell their shirt on Ebay and make enough money to buy the guy a coat... I just struggle with what God is doing with so many people, and we all seem to be trying to serve the same God, but yet so differently.

Oh Death Where Is Thy, OUCH That Really Hurts

So God made us with these finite bodies, and I seem to like being in mine, and I like you being in yours... There in lies a problem. Death sucks. A girl on my mission trip this week just found out her uncle who she is close to passed away today, a day before his 60 birthday. And a week after her grandma passed away. This after a few weeks ago another girl found out her best friend's mom has cancer, and last year on my trip to Atlanta right before coming a student passed away. It makes me wonder how God doesn't protect those who are serving Him. I mean I don't want super powers it anything just for doing a job serving in missions, but it would be nice if I could focus on loving people, and not have to worry about that silly death and pain thing. I know we are suppose to have a peace that passes understanding, and that we shouldn't be afraid of death and we should be happy resting in God's plan, but death sucks.
I've been fairly lucky in my life. I feel like I'm up to bat and have an 0-2 count and just keep hitting foul balls just to keep going. Cause no one that close to me has passed away. I had an amazing man who helped shape my life just pass away in the fall, and an amazing friend pass away a week before she graduated high school, and my cousin's grandpa, but other than that I've only been to a few funerals in my life. But seeing this hurt on those around me who have to go through the loss of a loved one makes it so difficult to see that peace and God's plan. I don't ever cry, but funerals get me. I even cried during the Incredibles when Mr incredible didn't want his wife to help fight because he wasn't strong enough to lose her again. The thought of being separated and not being able to enjoy the joy of that person and the whole where that relationship was is just so tough. I feel for those people who have losses so many that they have a callous in a way, that I pray and plea with God that I will never have to go through that pain of loss enough for that. But I worry about when I finally strike out and someone really close to me passes away. I worry I'm not strong enough cause even thinking about it makes me angry and upset. I don't even like breaking up with a girlfriend cause they typically are gone from my life afterwards. Losing someone so close to me might just push me a little farther. Maybe God is protecting my fragile heart, a verse says something about God not giving us any temptation we can't get through, maybe He knows I can't hey through this. Is be ok with that, but yet am fearful of when it will eventually fall apart on me.

It's Friday, just a day in WV :)

So I want to tell you of my day today. Just to give you an insight to life in West Virginia, or atleast on the weekends.

I woke up at, or around 7am. Took a quick shower, ate breakfast, saying goodmorning to the teams. This was followed by, saying goodbye to the teams. I don't really like Fridays, just because I have to say goodbye to people that I just spent a week getting close to, and growing in Christ with, but oh well, see ya later and wave. Lots of silly pictures are involved as well. Then it is nap time. This week it was only a 3 hour nap. So rewaking up at about 1, Chad and I cooked some pizza rolls, and decided what to do with our day. We spent the next hour working on oraganizing our tool closet. After each week we just throw the tools around, and get some tools donated, and so we need to reorganize each weekend. So Chad and I jammed out to hardcore covers of different pop songs, and put away tons of hammers, nail aprons, chalk lines, levels, and painting supplies. This was followed by the fun part of the day. We paused the organizing to go see Transformers 3, but stopping to pay or tab at the local hardware store first. Then Chad drove to the theatre, but it is in downtown Welch, and after 3 trips around the city, which is only really 4 blocks, we decided to try and park at the city's parking garage. We pushed the button and got a ticket, Chad laughing that it said Toledo, Ohio on it for some reason. So we watched Transformers. I laughed cause the theatre was a lot nicer than the one in Hillsdale. Then we had some laughs at lines like Optomist Prime yelling at a bad to get down here, and him responding ok, and he jumped off the building. So after we watched the movie together, we head over to teh parking garage, and notice it is the first munipally owned parking garage. We thought that was pretty cool, but then realized that it was a really old parking garage. There was no one working at it, and only one other car in the lot. No signs were up to tell us how much, and the ticket we got didn't seem to go anywhere. There was a sign by a coin machine that said coins only. So after exhausting our options we decided to just put in quarters and see what happens. Chad drove over to the machine, but it was too far from the curb so he had to get out to put the coins in, and then after the 4th quarter the gate opened, and I said hurry up, it's open. He jumped in and before his door was even closed we were off. Then headed to Wendy's for dinner. I realized that this morning during breakfast I had put a fake tattoo of an eagle on the inside of my wrist, and it is still really bright, and rediculous looking. This adding to the fact that Chad and I just went to a movie and are riding around together made us laugh alot. Then we walk into Wendy's, my wrist in my pocket, and both ordering berry almond salads, I got the full, he only got the half... The lady working was very nice, and had a 10 minute conversation with us, while they got our salads, we didn't say much, but she said enough for all three of us. All while a guy waited in line behind us to place his order, looking like he was about to rip the ladies head off. We got our salads started eating and texting friends back home. Then just came back and finished our closet, at a pot pie, and now am hanging out online, about to head to bed.

1 hope and 3 worries

Dear whoever reads this,

This week in West Virginia was crazy, but good. Chad and I had it all planned out, cause we were suppose to have 73 this week. But when only 60 showed up we were relieved but a little sad. Although we got a lot of work done, and a lot of focus was put on the jobs, this week was probably one of the most relational weeks I've had. Thursday night was spent walking around to houses in the community, saying bye to those we got to serve. It was a different thing, cause we had 3 different working together. It was good to see them mesh together and even with the community.

I'm excited about this next week though. We only have about 15 coming, but with the focus on doing good work, we get to do some small jobs we aren't able to with the large groups.

I had some good conversations with a leader last week, who was really open about the ideas that God is leading in some way. She talked a lot about Share Clayborn (i think is his name), but I got some ideas about what to do after/if I ever graduate from college. I keep having more conversations about it. I want to say I'm letting God lead, but I'm worried about a couple things. First, I'm Israel. Most people when they are going through a hard time relate it to Job. But I have trouble thinking I'm in that category of a Godly enough person that Did would talk about me. So instead there is Israel who as a nation continued to turn away from God, and continually was crushed, repented, and rebuilt by God.

The second thing I'm worried about is the guy on an island dilemma. The story goes, there is a guy in a small island, and the water is rising. A guy yells to him saying hey the water is rising swim over to the mainland with me. The guy replies God will save me. Then a boat comes. And offers a ride. To which the guy replied God will save me. Finally a helicopter comes and the guy says God will save me. So the man drowned, and when he gets to heaven says "God, I trusted and was trying to be a witness that you would save me". And God replied I sent a man, a bit and a helicopter. I'm just worried that God is leading me in some direction, and I'm not picking up what he is putting down.

Then lastly, I'm worried I'm not really letting God lead. I'm letting my idea of what a "good Christian" should do. I get told I'm good at the things I do, and I respond with its because if God's love for me that I am able to do things. But sometimes I week I'm only doing them because the responses are ingrained in me. I can't chose to do something else cause it would mess up my image as being a "good christian".

But then there is my hope that I am just jot being patient enough and sometime, or even after my life is over God will say hey Bobby, this is what you did, or are suppose to do. I just need to wait for that.