1 hope and 3 worries

Dear whoever reads this,

This week in West Virginia was crazy, but good. Chad and I had it all planned out, cause we were suppose to have 73 this week. But when only 60 showed up we were relieved but a little sad. Although we got a lot of work done, and a lot of focus was put on the jobs, this week was probably one of the most relational weeks I've had. Thursday night was spent walking around to houses in the community, saying bye to those we got to serve. It was a different thing, cause we had 3 different working together. It was good to see them mesh together and even with the community.

I'm excited about this next week though. We only have about 15 coming, but with the focus on doing good work, we get to do some small jobs we aren't able to with the large groups.

I had some good conversations with a leader last week, who was really open about the ideas that God is leading in some way. She talked a lot about Share Clayborn (i think is his name), but I got some ideas about what to do after/if I ever graduate from college. I keep having more conversations about it. I want to say I'm letting God lead, but I'm worried about a couple things. First, I'm Israel. Most people when they are going through a hard time relate it to Job. But I have trouble thinking I'm in that category of a Godly enough person that Did would talk about me. So instead there is Israel who as a nation continued to turn away from God, and continually was crushed, repented, and rebuilt by God.

The second thing I'm worried about is the guy on an island dilemma. The story goes, there is a guy in a small island, and the water is rising. A guy yells to him saying hey the water is rising swim over to the mainland with me. The guy replies God will save me. Then a boat comes. And offers a ride. To which the guy replied God will save me. Finally a helicopter comes and the guy says God will save me. So the man drowned, and when he gets to heaven says "God, I trusted and was trying to be a witness that you would save me". And God replied I sent a man, a bit and a helicopter. I'm just worried that God is leading me in some direction, and I'm not picking up what he is putting down.

Then lastly, I'm worried I'm not really letting God lead. I'm letting my idea of what a "good Christian" should do. I get told I'm good at the things I do, and I respond with its because if God's love for me that I am able to do things. But sometimes I week I'm only doing them because the responses are ingrained in me. I can't chose to do something else cause it would mess up my image as being a "good christian".

But then there is my hope that I am just jot being patient enough and sometime, or even after my life is over God will say hey Bobby, this is what you did, or are suppose to do. I just need to wait for that.