This weekend, I had the awesome opportunity to help on a mission trip to Tennessee. It was a lot of fun, and I even got to drive a mini-bus, and use an air-powered staple gun :) But what will stick with me is the transformation in me. I am not the same guy as I was 2 years ago on the fall break trip to Benton Harbor. There I was timid, and wasn't sure how to act at a construction site. I needed guidance just about every step. I struggled to put down grass, and put up some basic drywall. I was timid to share about what God is doing in my life, cause I just wanted to enjoy the trip, and make sure I had some funny story to tell that would make everyone laugh.
But this weekend was the opposite. The right tools were shown to me, and I pieced them together to put underlayment on the floor. Sweeping and vacuuming the floor, then cutting the piece, applying glue, then stapling it down. I then did my best to organize the team, and had them working in different rooms. Then any chance I got, I would ask how they were doing, and find out what their major was, and what God is doing in their life. I wasn't shy in the least about saying that I am a sinful man, but God has molded me in such a way that He glorifies Himself through my life. Anyone can look at my life and see the many faults in it. But spend some time with me, and you will just as easily see the many blessings God has given me.
Yeah life has been hard and rough at times, and continues to be, but God has not called me to a life of easy living. But he has called me to a life that when I can see what He sees, I realize that life is a lot easier this way.
Anyway, I like my life, and I love how God is growing me, and the times where I can see the growth make it much easier to keep fighting those daily battles. I am excited for the things that He will do through me. And when that happens, please know that it is not by my power, or plans, or anything I have done, but by God's glory that I am here living day and night, and advancing for His kingdom.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
27 (who cares)
So 27 years ago, I was born to a pretty lucky couple. It was the day before their 10th anniversary, and at 1:30 in the morning out I popped. It was 3 days after their friends had a baby boy, who ironically is one of my better friends still, happy belated birthday Jordan. I was born with 2 grandmas but only 1 grandpa, who I sadly don't have any memories of because he passed a few years later. I was born in Huntington, Indiana, although don't remember being around, cause by the time I was 3 we were living in Advance, Indiana. Most of my memories from there are about getting the chicken pox, and being upset that I couldn't play basketball outside, and eating those single serve pizzas with a Pepsi for lunch. My dad was a preacher and everyonce and a while I would sneak into church and if they didn't clean out the grape juice from communion I would have a little snack. I guess i could say I hungered for a deeper relationship with God. I remember some storms coming through, and going down in the church basement. Very few things are creepier than a church basement at night when the power goes off. No really bad storms hit, until a few years after I left. My closest friend's house got hit by a tornado, along with several others.
The Mighty Wells Reds were my little league team. I remember playing, but spent most of my time watching the bigger kids game on the field next to mine. So, then I got brought in from right field to short stop, and then decided that no one else except one of my teammates could touch the ball, so between him and I we covered the whole field. My brother was on my team once, and he was the last batter once, and I was on first when he hit it really hard. So I just kept running, but the catcher got the ball and tried to tag me, so I slid and knocked the ball out of his hands, but then had to get up and finish running to home. Tim then scored behind me.
I moved to a town called Moscow, not Russia, but Indiana. Had a lot of fun there. Playing 2 person sports with my brother. Things like baseball and football of course. My favorite was football and I think He liked baseball, but he could hit my fastball for a homerun, and I could throw the football over his head and run around him and catch it for a TD. Our dad had nicknames for us. He was a sports editor of the paper, and one saturday he was covering a wrestling match. I got my brother's attention as we walked and kept him distracted as he walked into the rollers that the mats would be moved around on. So he became crash, and I became genius (that might not be the real start of these names, but it's my blog and that's when I remember first hearing them). My brother and I fought as most brothers do. But one time my dad decided that he would sit this one out. I didn't like this, cause it was obvious that my brother and I were going to keep fighting till we hurt each other. So I took a moment that I was winning the fight, and instead of trying to hold on for the victory, which I knew would only be short lived, I decided to break free and go after my dad, because he didn't love us enough to come break up our fight. Not sure why I did that, cause my dad was a lot bigger than me, and unlike my brother if I got mad enough I couldn't beat my dad up. We had an awesome dog, Oscar. He was a small white dog with a huge eye from cancer or something. He bit me twice, but when I was sick he would lay in my bed with me until I got better. School was fun here. I was the coolest kid, with my neon shorts and sweatpants I wore every day. Of course I took them off after lunch to show off my sweet shorts. Just so you know I look back now and realize how much I looked like an idiot, but back then, no one could talk me out of doing anything I want.
We then moved to Huntington, Indiana. I quickly learned in 6th grade that it is not cool to wear sweat pants. And people made sure to let me know how dumb I looked. I quickly realized my brother was on the high end of the popularity scale. So instead of accepting this, I turned it into something I could make fun of him for, even after my parents made me stop. I had to start calling him a beep instead of a prep. He got mad a few times, but most of the time he had more things going for him, so my little insults just brushed off his shoulder.
Then in high school I ran, and ran, and ran. Track and cross country pretty much took over my life. I got involved in drama, at first on stage, but once my incredible singing talent was discovered, I was promoted to stage crew. I liked this alot and decided to stay, and became stage manager for a couple years. Building the sets were my favorites. Dated a girl that got me into our show choir stage crew, and had a lot more fun with that. Never really cared about grades or homework, but had fun in high school.
Youth group was brand new to me. I quickly fell in love, and got to hang out with cool young adults that helped me grow in such amazing ways. I never understood much of the Bible, until they came along and helped me dive into it. I would slowly start helping more and more with the youth group, and even organized a lock in with over 30 kids coming just to hang out, and play some laser tag. But this helped me decide to go into ministry.
My friend Dan was the first to get married, I was honored to be his best man. I love that guy a lot, and miss how he would ground me when I was starting to get a little too full of myself. He is the best friend that you always want to have around you. Although when we were leaving at 1 am to drive to Ft. Wayne, cause I wanted a peach, we got pulled over twice, mostly because Dan and I don't share the same skin color. To me, I was in shock. I couldn't believe that kind of this happened. This was around 2002, and I just sat there with my jaw on the floor half laughing and Dan's remarks back to the idiot cop, and then almost peeing my pants, when the officers partner snuck up to my window and asked for my id. I never saw him coming.
Then there was my brother's wedding. Got the best man spot again. And loved being a part of that special day with him and Sam. I love them both, and love Titus and Amy. Followed a few years later by Dustin, and then recently Kyle. Both I was groomsman, and happy to play the part. Dustin was my best friend who lived out in the country and has his degree in engineering from Purdue. Crazy smart guy, and someone you can just chill with and you will feel good about life the more time you spend with him. Kyle is probably the most closest to my personality. We both like to do random things, and laugh when we think back to the fact that I was closer to his brother than him in high school, but when he showed up at my house for a christmas party one year, we just clicked and haven't stopped being friends since. he just married Ashley and I'm excited about the life they will have together.
I have 2 funny stories that I have been reminded of recently about my childhood. The first is from the time when Haley's Comet was around, and a lot of people had some cults, either for that, or other weird reason's. And so my dad turns to my brother and sister and says, "Tim, Lin don't ever join a cult". So my sister turns back and says, "what about Bobby". Then my dad answers with "Bobby, don't ever start a cult". Most kids would have been weirded out, or upset that they were being treated different, but I just said ok dad I won't. The other story is around the time of my sister's high school graduation we were talking about life goals and growing up and stuff. Somehow it got turned to me, and my parents decided that I was going to be future dictator of the world. This of course I took seriously, well not really but it was fun, so I made a 20 year plan, of course starting in Cuba, because they were use to the dictator system, and my as a dictator would be way better than that Fidel guy.
Here is some of my life. Deffinately not all of, nor would I even consider these the highlights, but it is a taste. I love my life, and the fun I have had all along. God has been molding me all along into what He wants for me. I really have trouble following Him, and almost always have one step in the wrong direction, but he seems to pull me back despite my many faults that He sees more than anyone else. And I love thinking that He loves me despite my faults and He knows them all. I like it, cause I am free to not care what others think about me, cause God loves me and His will is what I try (and fail) to live for. Through these 27 years, God showed me that I will never be what I am fully capable of, but with His help, and only then I can become an amazing person that is gifted beyond belief with his gifts, that allow me to love and build relationships with those who society would say I shouldn't even talk to. But I don't even think about that. I have friends that are starting their own bussiness, and friends that are starting their own heavy metal band. I don't differentiate, and I hope no one else does either. God loves us, so we should see that love, and follow his lead and love those around us. Sorry for the length. if you made it this far let me know. i still got a coupon for a free movie, and zesto's. So I'll treat ya next time we see each other.
The Mighty Wells Reds were my little league team. I remember playing, but spent most of my time watching the bigger kids game on the field next to mine. So, then I got brought in from right field to short stop, and then decided that no one else except one of my teammates could touch the ball, so between him and I we covered the whole field. My brother was on my team once, and he was the last batter once, and I was on first when he hit it really hard. So I just kept running, but the catcher got the ball and tried to tag me, so I slid and knocked the ball out of his hands, but then had to get up and finish running to home. Tim then scored behind me.
I moved to a town called Moscow, not Russia, but Indiana. Had a lot of fun there. Playing 2 person sports with my brother. Things like baseball and football of course. My favorite was football and I think He liked baseball, but he could hit my fastball for a homerun, and I could throw the football over his head and run around him and catch it for a TD. Our dad had nicknames for us. He was a sports editor of the paper, and one saturday he was covering a wrestling match. I got my brother's attention as we walked and kept him distracted as he walked into the rollers that the mats would be moved around on. So he became crash, and I became genius (that might not be the real start of these names, but it's my blog and that's when I remember first hearing them). My brother and I fought as most brothers do. But one time my dad decided that he would sit this one out. I didn't like this, cause it was obvious that my brother and I were going to keep fighting till we hurt each other. So I took a moment that I was winning the fight, and instead of trying to hold on for the victory, which I knew would only be short lived, I decided to break free and go after my dad, because he didn't love us enough to come break up our fight. Not sure why I did that, cause my dad was a lot bigger than me, and unlike my brother if I got mad enough I couldn't beat my dad up. We had an awesome dog, Oscar. He was a small white dog with a huge eye from cancer or something. He bit me twice, but when I was sick he would lay in my bed with me until I got better. School was fun here. I was the coolest kid, with my neon shorts and sweatpants I wore every day. Of course I took them off after lunch to show off my sweet shorts. Just so you know I look back now and realize how much I looked like an idiot, but back then, no one could talk me out of doing anything I want.
We then moved to Huntington, Indiana. I quickly learned in 6th grade that it is not cool to wear sweat pants. And people made sure to let me know how dumb I looked. I quickly realized my brother was on the high end of the popularity scale. So instead of accepting this, I turned it into something I could make fun of him for, even after my parents made me stop. I had to start calling him a beep instead of a prep. He got mad a few times, but most of the time he had more things going for him, so my little insults just brushed off his shoulder.
Then in high school I ran, and ran, and ran. Track and cross country pretty much took over my life. I got involved in drama, at first on stage, but once my incredible singing talent was discovered, I was promoted to stage crew. I liked this alot and decided to stay, and became stage manager for a couple years. Building the sets were my favorites. Dated a girl that got me into our show choir stage crew, and had a lot more fun with that. Never really cared about grades or homework, but had fun in high school.
Youth group was brand new to me. I quickly fell in love, and got to hang out with cool young adults that helped me grow in such amazing ways. I never understood much of the Bible, until they came along and helped me dive into it. I would slowly start helping more and more with the youth group, and even organized a lock in with over 30 kids coming just to hang out, and play some laser tag. But this helped me decide to go into ministry.
My friend Dan was the first to get married, I was honored to be his best man. I love that guy a lot, and miss how he would ground me when I was starting to get a little too full of myself. He is the best friend that you always want to have around you. Although when we were leaving at 1 am to drive to Ft. Wayne, cause I wanted a peach, we got pulled over twice, mostly because Dan and I don't share the same skin color. To me, I was in shock. I couldn't believe that kind of this happened. This was around 2002, and I just sat there with my jaw on the floor half laughing and Dan's remarks back to the idiot cop, and then almost peeing my pants, when the officers partner snuck up to my window and asked for my id. I never saw him coming.
Then there was my brother's wedding. Got the best man spot again. And loved being a part of that special day with him and Sam. I love them both, and love Titus and Amy. Followed a few years later by Dustin, and then recently Kyle. Both I was groomsman, and happy to play the part. Dustin was my best friend who lived out in the country and has his degree in engineering from Purdue. Crazy smart guy, and someone you can just chill with and you will feel good about life the more time you spend with him. Kyle is probably the most closest to my personality. We both like to do random things, and laugh when we think back to the fact that I was closer to his brother than him in high school, but when he showed up at my house for a christmas party one year, we just clicked and haven't stopped being friends since. he just married Ashley and I'm excited about the life they will have together.
I have 2 funny stories that I have been reminded of recently about my childhood. The first is from the time when Haley's Comet was around, and a lot of people had some cults, either for that, or other weird reason's. And so my dad turns to my brother and sister and says, "Tim, Lin don't ever join a cult". So my sister turns back and says, "what about Bobby". Then my dad answers with "Bobby, don't ever start a cult". Most kids would have been weirded out, or upset that they were being treated different, but I just said ok dad I won't. The other story is around the time of my sister's high school graduation we were talking about life goals and growing up and stuff. Somehow it got turned to me, and my parents decided that I was going to be future dictator of the world. This of course I took seriously, well not really but it was fun, so I made a 20 year plan, of course starting in Cuba, because they were use to the dictator system, and my as a dictator would be way better than that Fidel guy.
Here is some of my life. Deffinately not all of, nor would I even consider these the highlights, but it is a taste. I love my life, and the fun I have had all along. God has been molding me all along into what He wants for me. I really have trouble following Him, and almost always have one step in the wrong direction, but he seems to pull me back despite my many faults that He sees more than anyone else. And I love thinking that He loves me despite my faults and He knows them all. I like it, cause I am free to not care what others think about me, cause God loves me and His will is what I try (and fail) to live for. Through these 27 years, God showed me that I will never be what I am fully capable of, but with His help, and only then I can become an amazing person that is gifted beyond belief with his gifts, that allow me to love and build relationships with those who society would say I shouldn't even talk to. But I don't even think about that. I have friends that are starting their own bussiness, and friends that are starting their own heavy metal band. I don't differentiate, and I hope no one else does either. God loves us, so we should see that love, and follow his lead and love those around us. Sorry for the length. if you made it this far let me know. i still got a coupon for a free movie, and zesto's. So I'll treat ya next time we see each other.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Got yet another question for ya
So I have this question. It has been in and out of my head for a while now, and I'm not sure what to do with it. I think I know, but it seems like such a bad idea and an idea that has the potential and probably will hurt some of the relationships that I have with people, but it also has the potential to strengthen my relationships, both with people, and with God. This doesn't seem like that hard of a question, cause if it will strengthen my relationship with God, of course I should right? Well, it is more complicated, because I could be strengthening my relationship with God and others without risking losing relationships, but alas, I don't seem to be strong enough; and I want to let God be strong where I am weak, let his love flow in me, no matter what my circumstances.
Ok, so now that I have either lost you completely or have your attention, I'll state my question. My question is, as a Christian, should I live not only with my faith on my sleeve, (as in living in a way that with any interaction with me, anyone will know that I am a follower of Christ and live for Him) but also with my sin on my sleeve (as in letting those around me know my downfalls and failures, being honest in any conversation about how I struggle with this in my life, or with that). I have these thoughts that if I was released from my sin through God's love, then I shouldn't be afraid of them, and can let anyone know them. But I fear them, because I have this wall built up around me that lets me live a double life. One where I have close intimate friendships that I can share anything with, and then the one where I don't really share anything with them other than what they already know, that I am a sinful man.
But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change my life, and let God work. These walls are up because I don't want people to see the real me, because I have a lot of people convinced I am a good Christian, and I worry that if I let them down, then they won't see Christ through me anymore, but instead they will see my sin and my failures, instead of the amazing things God has done in my life despite my many sins. Because that is what my life is truly for, letting others see the good of Christ through me, despite my own sinful nature. But if my sins were to be known to those who look at me, will they be able to see past those sins, or should I just hide them and not let them be known. But then I am hiding something, and am not truthful.
But if I can wear my sin on my sleeve, then I can truly be myself, and truly live the way God has called me to. I can let anyone in, and not be afraid of what they will see, cause I have been made clean by Christ. And free to share His love with them, and show the many amazing ways God has used my less than perfect life to lift His name up.
I can also then have those around me help me build myself up to be a better Christian. As well as if they were to let me in so close to their lives, then I can help them in their struggles. We can grow in community and be reciprocating selves, in that we can build off of each other in a way that we cannot grow ourselves (kinda like language, language can't be built by just one person, but it is through 2 people communicating with each other). But if we were reciprocating selves, both with those around us, but also with God. Just think about the possibility of being in such a community; with God pulling us close to Him, as we grow close to each other and Him, where we don't fear how people will see us, we don't care about the judgement of others, and there won't be any big scandals, because we already know what the big scandal is, because we told everyone already. Not that it makes it ok to sin, because the goal isn't to make sin acceptable, but to vanquish both sin and the fear of sin. And hopefully eliminate any more sin that comes from the original sin. Not lying and living a double life that if we were just honest then we can focus on the sin, not the lies and the cover up.
Thought please...
Ok, so now that I have either lost you completely or have your attention, I'll state my question. My question is, as a Christian, should I live not only with my faith on my sleeve, (as in living in a way that with any interaction with me, anyone will know that I am a follower of Christ and live for Him) but also with my sin on my sleeve (as in letting those around me know my downfalls and failures, being honest in any conversation about how I struggle with this in my life, or with that). I have these thoughts that if I was released from my sin through God's love, then I shouldn't be afraid of them, and can let anyone know them. But I fear them, because I have this wall built up around me that lets me live a double life. One where I have close intimate friendships that I can share anything with, and then the one where I don't really share anything with them other than what they already know, that I am a sinful man.
But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change my life, and let God work. These walls are up because I don't want people to see the real me, because I have a lot of people convinced I am a good Christian, and I worry that if I let them down, then they won't see Christ through me anymore, but instead they will see my sin and my failures, instead of the amazing things God has done in my life despite my many sins. Because that is what my life is truly for, letting others see the good of Christ through me, despite my own sinful nature. But if my sins were to be known to those who look at me, will they be able to see past those sins, or should I just hide them and not let them be known. But then I am hiding something, and am not truthful.
But if I can wear my sin on my sleeve, then I can truly be myself, and truly live the way God has called me to. I can let anyone in, and not be afraid of what they will see, cause I have been made clean by Christ. And free to share His love with them, and show the many amazing ways God has used my less than perfect life to lift His name up.
I can also then have those around me help me build myself up to be a better Christian. As well as if they were to let me in so close to their lives, then I can help them in their struggles. We can grow in community and be reciprocating selves, in that we can build off of each other in a way that we cannot grow ourselves (kinda like language, language can't be built by just one person, but it is through 2 people communicating with each other). But if we were reciprocating selves, both with those around us, but also with God. Just think about the possibility of being in such a community; with God pulling us close to Him, as we grow close to each other and Him, where we don't fear how people will see us, we don't care about the judgement of others, and there won't be any big scandals, because we already know what the big scandal is, because we told everyone already. Not that it makes it ok to sin, because the goal isn't to make sin acceptable, but to vanquish both sin and the fear of sin. And hopefully eliminate any more sin that comes from the original sin. Not lying and living a double life that if we were just honest then we can focus on the sin, not the lies and the cover up.
Thought please...
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
New Page
Have you ever had one of those moments where you stop and look around, only to realize where you are and aren't really sure how you got there. Well these moments are nice when going on walks, even a little scary when driving a car, but having one in life... that's a crazy time. I'm sitting in my room in my cabin at Camp Michindoh, and I was just hit with that what is going on moment. I just realized this is my bedroom for the next 3 months. I have 2 roommates who I kinda know one and have just said hello to the other, and the 3 of us get to share our poorly air conditioned, one shower, and no tv of an apartment for the next 3 months. All while working from 7-9 every day with 5th graders.
Now, I'm really excited about thus job, after all I have one, when some of my friends who have finished their degrees are still looking. And I was here last semester working with mostly the same people. But the moment of unknown just hit me. What am I doing here, and how did I get here. I was just in Kentucky a week ago, and a week before that was 11 weeks in West Virginia. Coming up in December is a possible trip to India, and then back to HU maybe. Then what? Back here to work, or go into a missions field. My good friend Lisa has been in Africa for over a year now, and been at the same place, away from friends, and only having a small window of seeing friends. I can pick up my phone and call someone in Washington, although I haven't yet, and need to. But its just that easy for me. Life is easy for me. I am just going with the flow. My 2 biggest problems right now are my school bills,, and how I need to call my summer boss and give her a ladies phone number and let her know I'm still working on putting the work cites together for the trip in September.
Well that's my rant for the time being. I workat camp michindoh, doing outdoor education. They have a website if you want to look at it feel free. We should be getting a new picture soon, and maybe I'll be in it this time, not to mention I still need to go down the water slide :)
Now, I'm really excited about thus job, after all I have one, when some of my friends who have finished their degrees are still looking. And I was here last semester working with mostly the same people. But the moment of unknown just hit me. What am I doing here, and how did I get here. I was just in Kentucky a week ago, and a week before that was 11 weeks in West Virginia. Coming up in December is a possible trip to India, and then back to HU maybe. Then what? Back here to work, or go into a missions field. My good friend Lisa has been in Africa for over a year now, and been at the same place, away from friends, and only having a small window of seeing friends. I can pick up my phone and call someone in Washington, although I haven't yet, and need to. But its just that easy for me. Life is easy for me. I am just going with the flow. My 2 biggest problems right now are my school bills,, and how I need to call my summer boss and give her a ladies phone number and let her know I'm still working on putting the work cites together for the trip in September.
Well that's my rant for the time being. I workat camp michindoh, doing outdoor education. They have a website if you want to look at it feel free. We should be getting a new picture soon, and maybe I'll be in it this time, not to mention I still need to go down the water slide :)
Sunday, July 31, 2011
What's Up Real World
I have something I'm struggling with. It is weirder than the normal stupid sinful Bobby still being used by God thing. This time it involves those around me. I am called to serve God. I think that He has put on my heart certain things that don't seem to bother other people. Music is the biggest and easiest one for me to explain. I listen to mostly Christian music. Not necessarily the Gaithers or anything like that, but more Jars of Clay, Chris Tomlin, Switchfoot, Lifehouse, and so on. But my struggle is with giving God my everything. I want to spend my days seeking Him wholeheartedly. And I find it helps alot when my music has lyrics that are uplifting to God, and not... well secular. I feel that listening to songs by Katy Perry, and Jay-Z just don't allow me to have that mindset that I am serving the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind. But so many of those fellow Christians that are in my life don't seem to struggle with this at all. They can just pull into church on Sunday morning listening to a sex song, turn it off, walk into church with smiles on.
Ok, so this isn't my debate. I have had that debate, and I'm not even on the side that you think I am. But that was just so I can have an example of something that God laid on my heart to struggle with and other Christians don't seem to pay it any attention. Another quick example is following the speed limit. God asked us to obey's the laws of the land. I think that means to follow the law of the US, unless it is contradictory to something God desires for us. So, I feel everytime I drive over the speed limit, I'm going against God's desire for me, and even though no cop is gonna pull me over for going 5 over, I still feel I'm sinning.
So there are two examples, which now I can ask my question. Does God call each of us to follow Him in the same way. Does God want me to listen to Christian music, and drive 5 under the speed limit, but for Joe Christian can listen to wahtever and drive as fast as he wants, but God hasn't laid it on his heart the same things He has laid on my heart. This is also to say about how we deal with those around us. I'm serving in West Virginia this summer, and God has shown me so many things about the needy in the world that I live in. And it has always been right in front of me to fix, but I never really cared before. But now I can't seem to ignore it. I want to serve Him wholeheartedly and now that means for me to love my neighbor as myself and to put his needs above my own. If that means that I go hungry to give him food, awesome, if that means I go cold to give him my shirt, awesome. But even those close to me and have had similiar experiences, insteaad of wanting to give want to understand how best to help them, and if instead of giving them their shirt, wait and sell their shirt on Ebay and make enough money to buy the guy a coat... I just struggle with what God is doing with so many people, and we all seem to be trying to serve the same God, but yet so differently.
Ok, so this isn't my debate. I have had that debate, and I'm not even on the side that you think I am. But that was just so I can have an example of something that God laid on my heart to struggle with and other Christians don't seem to pay it any attention. Another quick example is following the speed limit. God asked us to obey's the laws of the land. I think that means to follow the law of the US, unless it is contradictory to something God desires for us. So, I feel everytime I drive over the speed limit, I'm going against God's desire for me, and even though no cop is gonna pull me over for going 5 over, I still feel I'm sinning.
So there are two examples, which now I can ask my question. Does God call each of us to follow Him in the same way. Does God want me to listen to Christian music, and drive 5 under the speed limit, but for Joe Christian can listen to wahtever and drive as fast as he wants, but God hasn't laid it on his heart the same things He has laid on my heart. This is also to say about how we deal with those around us. I'm serving in West Virginia this summer, and God has shown me so many things about the needy in the world that I live in. And it has always been right in front of me to fix, but I never really cared before. But now I can't seem to ignore it. I want to serve Him wholeheartedly and now that means for me to love my neighbor as myself and to put his needs above my own. If that means that I go hungry to give him food, awesome, if that means I go cold to give him my shirt, awesome. But even those close to me and have had similiar experiences, insteaad of wanting to give want to understand how best to help them, and if instead of giving them their shirt, wait and sell their shirt on Ebay and make enough money to buy the guy a coat... I just struggle with what God is doing with so many people, and we all seem to be trying to serve the same God, but yet so differently.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Oh Death Where Is Thy, OUCH That Really Hurts
So God made us with these finite bodies, and I seem to like being in mine, and I like you being in yours... There in lies a problem. Death sucks. A girl on my mission trip this week just found out her uncle who she is close to passed away today, a day before his 60 birthday. And a week after her grandma passed away. This after a few weeks ago another girl found out her best friend's mom has cancer, and last year on my trip to Atlanta right before coming a student passed away. It makes me wonder how God doesn't protect those who are serving Him. I mean I don't want super powers it anything just for doing a job serving in missions, but it would be nice if I could focus on loving people, and not have to worry about that silly death and pain thing. I know we are suppose to have a peace that passes understanding, and that we shouldn't be afraid of death and we should be happy resting in God's plan, but death sucks.
I've been fairly lucky in my life. I feel like I'm up to bat and have an 0-2 count and just keep hitting foul balls just to keep going. Cause no one that close to me has passed away. I had an amazing man who helped shape my life just pass away in the fall, and an amazing friend pass away a week before she graduated high school, and my cousin's grandpa, but other than that I've only been to a few funerals in my life. But seeing this hurt on those around me who have to go through the loss of a loved one makes it so difficult to see that peace and God's plan. I don't ever cry, but funerals get me. I even cried during the Incredibles when Mr incredible didn't want his wife to help fight because he wasn't strong enough to lose her again. The thought of being separated and not being able to enjoy the joy of that person and the whole where that relationship was is just so tough. I feel for those people who have losses so many that they have a callous in a way, that I pray and plea with God that I will never have to go through that pain of loss enough for that. But I worry about when I finally strike out and someone really close to me passes away. I worry I'm not strong enough cause even thinking about it makes me angry and upset. I don't even like breaking up with a girlfriend cause they typically are gone from my life afterwards. Losing someone so close to me might just push me a little farther. Maybe God is protecting my fragile heart, a verse says something about God not giving us any temptation we can't get through, maybe He knows I can't hey through this. Is be ok with that, but yet am fearful of when it will eventually fall apart on me.
I've been fairly lucky in my life. I feel like I'm up to bat and have an 0-2 count and just keep hitting foul balls just to keep going. Cause no one that close to me has passed away. I had an amazing man who helped shape my life just pass away in the fall, and an amazing friend pass away a week before she graduated high school, and my cousin's grandpa, but other than that I've only been to a few funerals in my life. But seeing this hurt on those around me who have to go through the loss of a loved one makes it so difficult to see that peace and God's plan. I don't ever cry, but funerals get me. I even cried during the Incredibles when Mr incredible didn't want his wife to help fight because he wasn't strong enough to lose her again. The thought of being separated and not being able to enjoy the joy of that person and the whole where that relationship was is just so tough. I feel for those people who have losses so many that they have a callous in a way, that I pray and plea with God that I will never have to go through that pain of loss enough for that. But I worry about when I finally strike out and someone really close to me passes away. I worry I'm not strong enough cause even thinking about it makes me angry and upset. I don't even like breaking up with a girlfriend cause they typically are gone from my life afterwards. Losing someone so close to me might just push me a little farther. Maybe God is protecting my fragile heart, a verse says something about God not giving us any temptation we can't get through, maybe He knows I can't hey through this. Is be ok with that, but yet am fearful of when it will eventually fall apart on me.
Friday, July 1, 2011
It's Friday, just a day in WV :)
So I want to tell you of my day today. Just to give you an insight to life in West Virginia, or atleast on the weekends.
I woke up at, or around 7am. Took a quick shower, ate breakfast, saying goodmorning to the teams. This was followed by, saying goodbye to the teams. I don't really like Fridays, just because I have to say goodbye to people that I just spent a week getting close to, and growing in Christ with, but oh well, see ya later and wave. Lots of silly pictures are involved as well. Then it is nap time. This week it was only a 3 hour nap. So rewaking up at about 1, Chad and I cooked some pizza rolls, and decided what to do with our day. We spent the next hour working on oraganizing our tool closet. After each week we just throw the tools around, and get some tools donated, and so we need to reorganize each weekend. So Chad and I jammed out to hardcore covers of different pop songs, and put away tons of hammers, nail aprons, chalk lines, levels, and painting supplies. This was followed by the fun part of the day. We paused the organizing to go see Transformers 3, but stopping to pay or tab at the local hardware store first. Then Chad drove to the theatre, but it is in downtown Welch, and after 3 trips around the city, which is only really 4 blocks, we decided to try and park at the city's parking garage. We pushed the button and got a ticket, Chad laughing that it said Toledo, Ohio on it for some reason. So we watched Transformers. I laughed cause the theatre was a lot nicer than the one in Hillsdale. Then we had some laughs at lines like Optomist Prime yelling at a bad to get down here, and him responding ok, and he jumped off the building. So after we watched the movie together, we head over to teh parking garage, and notice it is the first munipally owned parking garage. We thought that was pretty cool, but then realized that it was a really old parking garage. There was no one working at it, and only one other car in the lot. No signs were up to tell us how much, and the ticket we got didn't seem to go anywhere. There was a sign by a coin machine that said coins only. So after exhausting our options we decided to just put in quarters and see what happens. Chad drove over to the machine, but it was too far from the curb so he had to get out to put the coins in, and then after the 4th quarter the gate opened, and I said hurry up, it's open. He jumped in and before his door was even closed we were off. Then headed to Wendy's for dinner. I realized that this morning during breakfast I had put a fake tattoo of an eagle on the inside of my wrist, and it is still really bright, and rediculous looking. This adding to the fact that Chad and I just went to a movie and are riding around together made us laugh alot. Then we walk into Wendy's, my wrist in my pocket, and both ordering berry almond salads, I got the full, he only got the half... The lady working was very nice, and had a 10 minute conversation with us, while they got our salads, we didn't say much, but she said enough for all three of us. All while a guy waited in line behind us to place his order, looking like he was about to rip the ladies head off. We got our salads started eating and texting friends back home. Then just came back and finished our closet, at a pot pie, and now am hanging out online, about to head to bed.
1 hope and 3 worries
Dear whoever reads this,
This week in West Virginia was crazy, but good. Chad and I had it all planned out, cause we were suppose to have 73 this week. But when only 60 showed up we were relieved but a little sad. Although we got a lot of work done, and a lot of focus was put on the jobs, this week was probably one of the most relational weeks I've had. Thursday night was spent walking around to houses in the community, saying bye to those we got to serve. It was a different thing, cause we had 3 different working together. It was good to see them mesh together and even with the community.
I'm excited about this next week though. We only have about 15 coming, but with the focus on doing good work, we get to do some small jobs we aren't able to with the large groups.
I had some good conversations with a leader last week, who was really open about the ideas that God is leading in some way. She talked a lot about Share Clayborn (i think is his name), but I got some ideas about what to do after/if I ever graduate from college. I keep having more conversations about it. I want to say I'm letting God lead, but I'm worried about a couple things. First, I'm Israel. Most people when they are going through a hard time relate it to Job. But I have trouble thinking I'm in that category of a Godly enough person that Did would talk about me. So instead there is Israel who as a nation continued to turn away from God, and continually was crushed, repented, and rebuilt by God.
The second thing I'm worried about is the guy on an island dilemma. The story goes, there is a guy in a small island, and the water is rising. A guy yells to him saying hey the water is rising swim over to the mainland with me. The guy replies God will save me. Then a boat comes. And offers a ride. To which the guy replied God will save me. Finally a helicopter comes and the guy says God will save me. So the man drowned, and when he gets to heaven says "God, I trusted and was trying to be a witness that you would save me". And God replied I sent a man, a bit and a helicopter. I'm just worried that God is leading me in some direction, and I'm not picking up what he is putting down.
Then lastly, I'm worried I'm not really letting God lead. I'm letting my idea of what a "good Christian" should do. I get told I'm good at the things I do, and I respond with its because if God's love for me that I am able to do things. But sometimes I week I'm only doing them because the responses are ingrained in me. I can't chose to do something else cause it would mess up my image as being a "good christian".
But then there is my hope that I am just jot being patient enough and sometime, or even after my life is over God will say hey Bobby, this is what you did, or are suppose to do. I just need to wait for that.
This week in West Virginia was crazy, but good. Chad and I had it all planned out, cause we were suppose to have 73 this week. But when only 60 showed up we were relieved but a little sad. Although we got a lot of work done, and a lot of focus was put on the jobs, this week was probably one of the most relational weeks I've had. Thursday night was spent walking around to houses in the community, saying bye to those we got to serve. It was a different thing, cause we had 3 different working together. It was good to see them mesh together and even with the community.
I'm excited about this next week though. We only have about 15 coming, but with the focus on doing good work, we get to do some small jobs we aren't able to with the large groups.
I had some good conversations with a leader last week, who was really open about the ideas that God is leading in some way. She talked a lot about Share Clayborn (i think is his name), but I got some ideas about what to do after/if I ever graduate from college. I keep having more conversations about it. I want to say I'm letting God lead, but I'm worried about a couple things. First, I'm Israel. Most people when they are going through a hard time relate it to Job. But I have trouble thinking I'm in that category of a Godly enough person that Did would talk about me. So instead there is Israel who as a nation continued to turn away from God, and continually was crushed, repented, and rebuilt by God.
The second thing I'm worried about is the guy on an island dilemma. The story goes, there is a guy in a small island, and the water is rising. A guy yells to him saying hey the water is rising swim over to the mainland with me. The guy replies God will save me. Then a boat comes. And offers a ride. To which the guy replied God will save me. Finally a helicopter comes and the guy says God will save me. So the man drowned, and when he gets to heaven says "God, I trusted and was trying to be a witness that you would save me". And God replied I sent a man, a bit and a helicopter. I'm just worried that God is leading me in some direction, and I'm not picking up what he is putting down.
Then lastly, I'm worried I'm not really letting God lead. I'm letting my idea of what a "good Christian" should do. I get told I'm good at the things I do, and I respond with its because if God's love for me that I am able to do things. But sometimes I week I'm only doing them because the responses are ingrained in me. I can't chose to do something else cause it would mess up my image as being a "good christian".
But then there is my hope that I am just jot being patient enough and sometime, or even after my life is over God will say hey Bobby, this is what you did, or are suppose to do. I just need to wait for that.
Friday, June 24, 2011
West Virginia Stuff
Week 5 is about to start. It is a week of 60 and finding work for that many isn't hard, but organizing it, and getting things ready is. McDowel County is a fairly poverty stricken place. Most people are left from the mining era, but weren't able to move out when the mines closed. They live off of fixed incomes, and most of them live in the houses that were set up as miner houses from the original miner companies. If you don't know, the mining companies originally set these towns up as their own. They paid the workers in company credits, which were only good in the company store, and housed them in company houses, which made my dorm room look like a luxury suite. So these houses are little shacks that were put up about 100 years ago, and have just been repaired and altered throughout the years. So many of them are just left abandoned, leaving it as an eyesore to the community around them, as well as a danger and even worse when it is a duplex that someone still lives in the adjoining house. The folks I get to meet here are absolutely amazing. We put together a porch for a guy, and it is more a community center than a porch.
Our main community partner is a man named Jack Fultz, he started School For Life here at the school we stay in. He bought it right after it was put up for sale. He has a game room for kids, and really tried to do whatever he can for the community. I love driving around with him, cause he just stops and talks with just about every person, and cares about them and their needs on the highest level I have ever seen. He truly loves every person. He doesn’t just meet their immediate need, but a deeper need. Like if they need some work on their house, he will do his best to help them with it, but he won’t do it for them, and make them dependent on him, but allows them to grow in themselves. They are fully capable, but just need a good friend to come along side of them. He is that friend if they need.
Our main community partner is a man named Jack Fultz, he started School For Life here at the school we stay in. He bought it right after it was put up for sale. He has a game room for kids, and really tried to do whatever he can for the community. I love driving around with him, cause he just stops and talks with just about every person, and cares about them and their needs on the highest level I have ever seen. He truly loves every person. He doesn’t just meet their immediate need, but a deeper need. Like if they need some work on their house, he will do his best to help them with it, but he won’t do it for them, and make them dependent on him, but allows them to grow in themselves. They are fully capable, but just need a good friend to come along side of them. He is that friend if they need.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Shook the hand of a man from the first wave of Normandy, and a vice president of Tyson Chicken, good times
I know I just posted yesterday, but I forgot a few things. First off this week I meant a lot of amazing people, but 2 stick out a little, mainly because of their lives. I met a lot of great men and women this week from a great church in Arkansas, that I'll hopefully get to see again sometime. One of them is a vice president of Tyson Foods, and shared a lot with me about how his company has regualr prayer meetings, and even has a chaplin on staff for their offices. It was really encouraging to hear him talk with his boss openly about praying for people and situations in his company, and that they really seeked the Lord's guidence in their daily bussiness meetings.
The other guy I got to meet, was a veteran who was among the first waves of Navy ships to hit the beaches of Normandy. His story was amazing, and it was a priveledge to work for such a man that gave up so much. As well as he was worried about his wife as she was in the hopsital, and he was sad she wasn't at home anymore, and missed her a lot. I hope to have that kind of love for my family when I get one of my own.
My team and I are really connecting. Chad and I are really becoming close. He is such a great thinker, and cares about God so much, we have great discussions. Things are just alot of fun when we are together, even cooking hamburgers has never made me laugh so hard. But we both love serving the Lord, and having a good time so it's all good. As well as he is our worship coordinator, and he has a box drum, a box you sit on and the bottom is a bass drum, and a snare towards the top. But he has been working with me on it, and while he plays guitar for worship, I am actually playing the drum. Not to mention the one night last week where I actually led singing... That was a fun time, where we sang to God and for His praise, and not for our own ears to enjoy... But alas that is all. I'm leaving for Kentucky in the morning for another crazy God adventure, and who knows maybe get to see some of the Icthus concert this year.
The other guy I got to meet, was a veteran who was among the first waves of Navy ships to hit the beaches of Normandy. His story was amazing, and it was a priveledge to work for such a man that gave up so much. As well as he was worried about his wife as she was in the hopsital, and he was sad she wasn't at home anymore, and missed her a lot. I hope to have that kind of love for my family when I get one of my own.
My team and I are really connecting. Chad and I are really becoming close. He is such a great thinker, and cares about God so much, we have great discussions. Things are just alot of fun when we are together, even cooking hamburgers has never made me laugh so hard. But we both love serving the Lord, and having a good time so it's all good. As well as he is our worship coordinator, and he has a box drum, a box you sit on and the bottom is a bass drum, and a snare towards the top. But he has been working with me on it, and while he plays guitar for worship, I am actually playing the drum. Not to mention the one night last week where I actually led singing... That was a fun time, where we sang to God and for His praise, and not for our own ears to enjoy... But alas that is all. I'm leaving for Kentucky in the morning for another crazy God adventure, and who knows maybe get to see some of the Icthus concert this year.
Crazy Awesome God, yet again
Hi everyone, welcome to a glimpse of my last 2 weeks.
Our first week, was pretty crazy. We had 2 groups of high school Christian schools taking their senior trip. They were great, gave me a pretty fun nick name. I live in an old elementary school. Creepiest thing ever, especially when I have to lock the doors at night. Not to mention the bats, and such. But I had a couple work projects. This year is a lot different than Atlanta. Chad, my contstruction partner and I find a lot of work sites, then we work out the details, and then take the mission trip groups to the sites and get them set up, but then we have to get ready for the next days sites, so we don't get to be around the groups as much. But we get to help tons of people. The people in this county use to be a very rich with the coal industry, but when it started declining, the community went from over 100,000 people to only 20,000. But they are great, everyone I meet treats me like I'm a long last friend.
As for this week, we have a group from a church in Arkansas, and it they are great. Their heart breaks for this community, and they want to work so much, and they worked so hard all week. If the weeks coming have half the heart of these guys, this will be a great summer. We got up 3 hours early today, just to finish a ditch they were digging.
As for next week, I get to go to Kentucky, and work with that EM site. I'm a little confused as the deails, but something to do with Ichthus. So I might be able to catch a show :)
So my team is great, I miss everyone from last year, but am excited about all these great new oppurtunities of how God will use me.
I love continually seeing God's great love for me, and that I counted worthy to work for the God that has done so much for me.
Our first week, was pretty crazy. We had 2 groups of high school Christian schools taking their senior trip. They were great, gave me a pretty fun nick name. I live in an old elementary school. Creepiest thing ever, especially when I have to lock the doors at night. Not to mention the bats, and such. But I had a couple work projects. This year is a lot different than Atlanta. Chad, my contstruction partner and I find a lot of work sites, then we work out the details, and then take the mission trip groups to the sites and get them set up, but then we have to get ready for the next days sites, so we don't get to be around the groups as much. But we get to help tons of people. The people in this county use to be a very rich with the coal industry, but when it started declining, the community went from over 100,000 people to only 20,000. But they are great, everyone I meet treats me like I'm a long last friend.
As for this week, we have a group from a church in Arkansas, and it they are great. Their heart breaks for this community, and they want to work so much, and they worked so hard all week. If the weeks coming have half the heart of these guys, this will be a great summer. We got up 3 hours early today, just to finish a ditch they were digging.
As for next week, I get to go to Kentucky, and work with that EM site. I'm a little confused as the deails, but something to do with Ichthus. So I might be able to catch a show :)
So my team is great, I miss everyone from last year, but am excited about all these great new oppurtunities of how God will use me.
I love continually seeing God's great love for me, and that I counted worthy to work for the God that has done so much for me.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
And do it all over again!!!
So this is what we say to the campers at Michindoh. We tell them what we are doing tonight, always ending with going to bed, and waking up and doing it all over again. I feel like I am getting ready for the summer to be very similar to last year. But as I sit in a hotel room in Charleston, WV, waiting for a team member to arrive at the airport before we finish our journey to our new world in the morning, I am realizing that this will be nothing like last year. My team is different, the community is different, the youth groups will be different, and even my EM Staff member is different. I am torn between being excited about the differences, and missing those things that made last summer so great for me.
The town of Gary West Virginia will be my home for 11 straight weeks. I am one of two construction coordinators, and won't have a kids club to work with. I am working with 3 other amazing college kids, who much like me, aren't sure about how this will work, but they seem eager to get things started. I am, trying to assure them that everything will go great, and that these nervous feelings will go away as soon as we get to work. I feel I am more repeatedly telling myself, in order to calm my own nerves.
Again as last year, it seems I left a lot of good friends and relationships back home. Some not as important this year, but still some missed opportunities to deepen some relationships that I have been working on for years. I just hope I am able to serve God with the tenacity that He deserves, and desires from me. I am excited to dive into some deep theological discussions, and be willing to lay it all down for Him who laid it down for me.
Sorry for no hidden jokes, not sure if anyone would read this and catch them anyway...
The town of Gary West Virginia will be my home for 11 straight weeks. I am one of two construction coordinators, and won't have a kids club to work with. I am working with 3 other amazing college kids, who much like me, aren't sure about how this will work, but they seem eager to get things started. I am, trying to assure them that everything will go great, and that these nervous feelings will go away as soon as we get to work. I feel I am more repeatedly telling myself, in order to calm my own nerves.
Again as last year, it seems I left a lot of good friends and relationships back home. Some not as important this year, but still some missed opportunities to deepen some relationships that I have been working on for years. I just hope I am able to serve God with the tenacity that He deserves, and desires from me. I am excited to dive into some deep theological discussions, and be willing to lay it all down for Him who laid it down for me.
Sorry for no hidden jokes, not sure if anyone would read this and catch them anyway...
Monday, March 14, 2011
Crazy New Orleans
So we got to work today. We showed up at this house, that seemed fairly normal, and in a normal neighborhood, and even once the guys and I got inside it seemed like a normal house being worked on. It wasn't till the husband and wife who lived there, started telling their story, the place took on a whole new vibe. The wife and two daughters left a day before the hurricane hit. Got stuck in traffic and got to Mississippi a few days later. The father and son stayed behind, but once the levy broke the water rose 8 feet in 45 minutes. They went up to their attic to get above the water but when the water kept rising, they had to cut a hole in their roof with a chainsaw to escape drowning. He dove down to his garage type thing to free their canoe type thing. Then he "borrowed" his neighbors motor boat to go around helping people, and finding food wherever they can. We looked out over the neighborhood as the wife told us that there use to be so many more houses around, and saying that only a couple of their neighbors even came back. He even told us it isn't uncommon to hear about shootings in the area on a daily basis. He said she doesn't let her daughter play outside by herself, even during the day.
My greatest sadness came when I was walking around with their 7 year old daughter. She was on an adventure trying to find something fun. But all we were finding was junk. Not sure if it was just something like we would find in any given field, or something left from a house. We did find a concrete block in the ground leftover from the neighbors house. Then went walking around some more and she was saying how her toys went usable, cause all the family money was being put into fixing up the house. She had a slide and some stuff in the yard, but bees and things were flying around her stuff. She is such a wonderful girl and full of imagination, that she just plays with whatever she can, and seemed to have a lot of fun. I know a similar devastation just happened in other places of the world, but here in New Orleans there is still lots of help needed, for families like this one who have struggled for 6 years now just trying to survive and make their life better.
My greatest sadness came when I was walking around with their 7 year old daughter. She was on an adventure trying to find something fun. But all we were finding was junk. Not sure if it was just something like we would find in any given field, or something left from a house. We did find a concrete block in the ground leftover from the neighbors house. Then went walking around some more and she was saying how her toys went usable, cause all the family money was being put into fixing up the house. She had a slide and some stuff in the yard, but bees and things were flying around her stuff. She is such a wonderful girl and full of imagination, that she just plays with whatever she can, and seemed to have a lot of fun. I know a similar devastation just happened in other places of the world, but here in New Orleans there is still lots of help needed, for families like this one who have struggled for 6 years now just trying to survive and make their life better.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
crazy life
So, life is crazy... not that any of you don't know this, but yeah just a reminder.
I was suppose to start my camp job up in Michigan tomorrow, well I'm in New Orleans. And no, I didn't get lost on the interstate. It turns out the camp is having some budget changes, so they might have room for me in April. I found this out Thursday morning, just in time for my going away party. But then Friday night I was watching a movie with friends and found out a guy from their trip isn't going anymore. So since my plans for the week involved spending a lot of time with a beautiful girl, which I'm sad I don't get to see, I found out if I can go. They pulled some strings, and well here I am in New Orleans. If I understand it right we are gonna be working on dry walling a church. Fun thing about mission trip is you aren't sure until the week is over what you are actually doing.
But we spent some time at the French Quarter, and even saw the spot the levy broke. It's kind of crazy seeing where all this devastation happened, there is such life going on all around these remnants of the past. I think 1 out of 3 houses were broken down. But the rest just seemed like the people who lived in them just went on with life. Pretty weird, but I guess not any different than packing for Michigan but ending up in New Orleans.
I was suppose to start my camp job up in Michigan tomorrow, well I'm in New Orleans. And no, I didn't get lost on the interstate. It turns out the camp is having some budget changes, so they might have room for me in April. I found this out Thursday morning, just in time for my going away party. But then Friday night I was watching a movie with friends and found out a guy from their trip isn't going anymore. So since my plans for the week involved spending a lot of time with a beautiful girl, which I'm sad I don't get to see, I found out if I can go. They pulled some strings, and well here I am in New Orleans. If I understand it right we are gonna be working on dry walling a church. Fun thing about mission trip is you aren't sure until the week is over what you are actually doing.
But we spent some time at the French Quarter, and even saw the spot the levy broke. It's kind of crazy seeing where all this devastation happened, there is such life going on all around these remnants of the past. I think 1 out of 3 houses were broken down. But the rest just seemed like the people who lived in them just went on with life. Pretty weird, but I guess not any different than packing for Michigan but ending up in New Orleans.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I Am The Bobby Schultz
Hi everybody. Not sure where this post is going, cause I got a lot on my mind.
I move to Michigan soon, kinda weird, but nothing too new it seems to me. Since I've been in high school it seems I've been bouncing from place to place. Having some adventure, then either coming back to Huntington and settling down for a bit or going right into another adventure. I have been to Mexico, Texas, Florida, California, Tennessee, Georgia, Michigan, and more, all over the place really. And each of those I mentioned has a great story behind it, and feel free to ask anytime, but I don't feel like getting into them now. But this trip to Michigan feels different, I'm not exactly sure why though. Maybe it is because I'm moving to plan B, well more like M or N, but I've never been this close to graduating before. So that might be it, but then there is all the stuff I went through last semester. Between my mom having brain surgery and having parkinsons, to me starting therapy for depression, then my grandma is in the hospital even right now for falling and hitting her head, my brother has 2 great kids, my sister just got engaged and looks like she is moving away, so I won't have the house I've used as a safety net for so many years. So maybe I'm just actually just worried about my family, and being away from them until the fall. It also could be because I find myself in a similar situation as last year about this time, having just started a relationship, but then going off for some job. But it could also be leaving my friends at HU. Some great friends graduated last year leaving me with tons of underclassmen that I grew to know and love and deepen some great friendships, but by the time I come back yet another group of friends will be gone, leaving me to yet more underclassmen.
But whatever it is, I'm not too worried about it. You want to know why? It is because I am The Bobby Schultz. I have a God that loves me, and has made me into this man that, although my many many faults, still is using me in a way that blows my mind when I think about it. Cause although He has made me The Bobby Schultz, He is this amazing God that I cannot seem to even fathom how much I don't know about Him.
I move to Michigan soon, kinda weird, but nothing too new it seems to me. Since I've been in high school it seems I've been bouncing from place to place. Having some adventure, then either coming back to Huntington and settling down for a bit or going right into another adventure. I have been to Mexico, Texas, Florida, California, Tennessee, Georgia, Michigan, and more, all over the place really. And each of those I mentioned has a great story behind it, and feel free to ask anytime, but I don't feel like getting into them now. But this trip to Michigan feels different, I'm not exactly sure why though. Maybe it is because I'm moving to plan B, well more like M or N, but I've never been this close to graduating before. So that might be it, but then there is all the stuff I went through last semester. Between my mom having brain surgery and having parkinsons, to me starting therapy for depression, then my grandma is in the hospital even right now for falling and hitting her head, my brother has 2 great kids, my sister just got engaged and looks like she is moving away, so I won't have the house I've used as a safety net for so many years. So maybe I'm just actually just worried about my family, and being away from them until the fall. It also could be because I find myself in a similar situation as last year about this time, having just started a relationship, but then going off for some job. But it could also be leaving my friends at HU. Some great friends graduated last year leaving me with tons of underclassmen that I grew to know and love and deepen some great friendships, but by the time I come back yet another group of friends will be gone, leaving me to yet more underclassmen.
But whatever it is, I'm not too worried about it. You want to know why? It is because I am The Bobby Schultz. I have a God that loves me, and has made me into this man that, although my many many faults, still is using me in a way that blows my mind when I think about it. Cause although He has made me The Bobby Schultz, He is this amazing God that I cannot seem to even fathom how much I don't know about Him.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Friends say the strangest things
A friend was talking about her love life with me a while ago. And don't worry this post isn't gonna be about girls. But my friend was telling me how she doesn't like love songs, cause they only show short term emotion. But she said she loves break up songs, because that is real emotion. At first I saw her point but thought she was completely crazy. After all she listens mainly to country music. But as I listen to Christian music we have a similar split in songs. We have "yeah life is so good with my friend Jesus" songs, which are similar to sappy love songs. But there is also "I am a horrible sinner, and my life is nothing without You God" songs, which are similar to a break up song.
I make this point because I have caught myself listening to mainly break up songs with God. And I don't want to break up, but Iove the emotional connection, confessing how I am a sinner, and need God so desperately. Most people would insert a "duh" right here. But although it is true, God sent Jesus down to Earth for a reason, and part of that reason is to make us whole with God. And to not have to log break up songs to get our emotions, but we can sing songs full of emotion that Jesus is my savior and He have His life for me. I like God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit a lot. And for Him and through Him I will constants fail, but yet He is right there for me to get back up and continue loving Him.
I make this point because I have caught myself listening to mainly break up songs with God. And I don't want to break up, but Iove the emotional connection, confessing how I am a sinner, and need God so desperately. Most people would insert a "duh" right here. But although it is true, God sent Jesus down to Earth for a reason, and part of that reason is to make us whole with God. And to not have to log break up songs to get our emotions, but we can sing songs full of emotion that Jesus is my savior and He have His life for me. I like God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit a lot. And for Him and through Him I will constants fail, but yet He is right there for me to get back up and continue loving Him.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Jumping through the stained glass window
So I haven't written in a LONG time. It's been kinda rough. But tonight I had some really good theological discussions, so thought I would try this again. Although I don't really have any specific topic in mind, so this could be interesting.
Brandon Heath has a song, "I'm not who I once was". This made me think of how, or if I'm growing. I remember when I applied to a job as a sophomore at Lincoln, back in like 2005 or so. But they had me do this questionnaire about ethical questions and such. My friend was a manager and told me that I'm hired, cause I got all green scores, and that was the first time anyone has ever gotten that for them. But that was a long time ago, and I don't feel like I've grown, but shrank in a way. I still am a very outgoing Christian who very much loves serving those around him, and if you give me any opening about talking about God, I will jump through that hoop really fast. But its the same old thing. I'm doing the same things, just with different people around me. I haven't grown! My reading has been lacking, and I worry that I'm not being as impactful as God wants me to be. I mean I have lots of friends, but am I spending too much energy being liked, then trying to grow others towards Christ. It seems I spend more time on my hair than I do praying most days, and my hair doesn't even look that great. In my head I justify myself by saying I'm trying and I really desire a deeper relationship with God, and all He wants is us to try, because of our sinful nature. But what is my wanting to want God is finally not being enough. What if God really wants me to simply desire and seek after him before all else. (This has been thrown around a few times with the whole females and lack of relationship thing, because I worry I am putting finding a gilfriend as a priority above finding God)
I still want to want God, but just wanting to want God leaves me still looking inside the stained glass window. It's really pretty amazing, but inside is where the real stuff happens. So I just want to make that jump through that window and join in an amazing relationship where I put God before all else, and always am in tune with Him, constant prayer, no perversion in my head, following the Bible in my daily life. So I encourage you that if you already made that jump, continue seeking Him, and He will grow in you, and if you are kinda like me and haven't. Come grab my hand and we will jump together. Put all these things behind us that are keeping us from God. You can do it, I can do it, we can do it.
Brandon Heath has a song, "I'm not who I once was". This made me think of how, or if I'm growing. I remember when I applied to a job as a sophomore at Lincoln, back in like 2005 or so. But they had me do this questionnaire about ethical questions and such. My friend was a manager and told me that I'm hired, cause I got all green scores, and that was the first time anyone has ever gotten that for them. But that was a long time ago, and I don't feel like I've grown, but shrank in a way. I still am a very outgoing Christian who very much loves serving those around him, and if you give me any opening about talking about God, I will jump through that hoop really fast. But its the same old thing. I'm doing the same things, just with different people around me. I haven't grown! My reading has been lacking, and I worry that I'm not being as impactful as God wants me to be. I mean I have lots of friends, but am I spending too much energy being liked, then trying to grow others towards Christ. It seems I spend more time on my hair than I do praying most days, and my hair doesn't even look that great. In my head I justify myself by saying I'm trying and I really desire a deeper relationship with God, and all He wants is us to try, because of our sinful nature. But what is my wanting to want God is finally not being enough. What if God really wants me to simply desire and seek after him before all else. (This has been thrown around a few times with the whole females and lack of relationship thing, because I worry I am putting finding a gilfriend as a priority above finding God)
I still want to want God, but just wanting to want God leaves me still looking inside the stained glass window. It's really pretty amazing, but inside is where the real stuff happens. So I just want to make that jump through that window and join in an amazing relationship where I put God before all else, and always am in tune with Him, constant prayer, no perversion in my head, following the Bible in my daily life. So I encourage you that if you already made that jump, continue seeking Him, and He will grow in you, and if you are kinda like me and haven't. Come grab my hand and we will jump together. Put all these things behind us that are keeping us from God. You can do it, I can do it, we can do it.
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